December 29, 2000
"We'll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne."
Once more, I write from a warm, quiet corner of a snoozing household. I admit now that I was a little worried about having Bruce here for a whole week plus, but it's worked out great. He's a very easy guest to have in the house - helpful, considerate, fun, and just plain good company. Chelsea adores him (and vice versa) which is a very nice fringe benefit for all of us.
The only possible complaint I could come up with isn't really his fault anyhow: we seem to be eating a lot more than I normally do when I'm home alone. But I have to chalk up my extra culinary endeavors to the fact that he's so darned much fun to cook for. Everything I bring out of the kitchen for him is "delicious" or "perfect". Heck, who could resist the opportunity to get heavily complimented several times a day? Who? Not me. :)
We haven't quite figured out why my grilled cheese sandwiches (according to Bruce) exceed his in quality. I think it may go back to the old "It always tastes better if someone else makes it" rule that my mother taught me. He's not so sure. Maybe it's the secret ingredients I add.... (just kidding, Bruce!)
This will probably be my last entry of the year, so it's probably a good time for a little reflection about 2000.
Frankly, this has been a flat-out awful year in many ways. From the first four months which we spent at the hospital on a nightly basis, to the loss of dear Nora, to a dozen other lesser catastrophes and a handful of friends who we either almost lost (Gwendolyn) or are still praying for (Corey, Johnny, and Bruce's mother Sue), to my little dog who seems to be entering the last phase of her life, to two of my best friends moving half a continent away, it's been the absolute worst year I can remember. I can't wait for it to end because I want to believe 2001 will be much better. I don't see how it could be any worse, that's for sure.
On the bright side, I've finally started keeping a journal (of sorts), which has brought me great pleasure and more than a few insights.
Although we lost her in the end, I got very close to Nora, who I'd known but not known for years. I am grateful for that four months now, even though it was and remains a nightmare of sorts. Without that time, I might have never really known her. She displayed the most courage and fight I've ever seen during that time. Nora not only taught us how to fight, she and Greg taught us how powerful love can really be. I'll never look at any friend in quite the same way again.
I still think of you often, Nora. Christopher is doing well. He's beautiful and happy and sometimes I'm positive you really are still here, watching over him and all of us. We haven't played Scrabble since you left us, but I promise we will do so again soon. I wish you could be here to beat the daylights out of all of us when we do.
This year was also good in that I found a new friend and got closer to some that I've had for awhile. Johnny is much more part of my life now, and I continue to learn a lot from him. I know I can't replace Bruce, Johnny, but I hope you'll lean on me when you need to. You're a joy and I'm proud to count you among my friends.
Chris and I got closer, too. Who knows how it began? I think it was around the time we started talking about the wedding. She's a good woman and I feel lucky to have her in my life as well. There are others as well, but as usual, I'm afraid of mentioning any names, for fear I may leave someone out. Hopefully, they all know who they are. If not - then I was wrong anyhow. ;)
A few weeks ago, I learned that a new phase in my work life is about to begin. That's something good from 2000, as well. It gives me hope that 2001 will bring good things to me and all of us at work. The prospect of facing new challenges is exciting and I can hardly wait to get started. There's something good, too.
And of course, the year wound up with Bruce here for the holidays. Despite the fact that he'd only been gone a few weeks, it felt like months, so seeing him sitting in my living room again definitely lightened my mood. He's not exactly stress-free right now, but I think his visit here was probably a good thing for him too. Much better than sitting around a box-filled apartment, wishing he could be somewhere else, anyway. His troubles haven't melted away, but I hope that they've seemed more bearable with all the support he gets here. I guess we'll have to wait and see.
So the year has had a lot of downs, but it has had some very nice ups as well. I know I'm human in that I sometimes find it much easier to see the bad than the good. And I know that there is no such thing as a jinxed year, but that illogical part of my brain is still anxious for midnight Sunday to get here.
What about resolutions? I try not to make them, for the most part. Usually, I'll take something simple - "be nicer to this person" and work on that. But I don't make promises because the calendar is changing. Although I'm not as good at it as many people, I try to find ways to improve myself all the time. Unfortunately, they're usually small improvements and I have a lot of them to work on. But maybe, just maybe, I'm a little better person than I was a year ago at this time. I hope so, anyway.
So my non-resolution for this year is.... drum roll please... nope. Never mind. I'm not going to tell you specifics. I'll just try to be a better person -- that's all you need to know. :)
May the new year and new millennium bring you all good things. May we all keep our eyes open to the good around us and overlook the bad things that don't matter much anyhow. May we remain optimistic no matter how tempting it is to fall into despair. May we remember to love our friends and family every single day, and to show them how much we care at every opportunity.
May we be better people in a year than we are today.
